Who’s Afraid of the Big C?
Commitment. The very mention of it strikes terror in the hearts of those unwilling and unprepared to face the consequences it entails. It has become the modern-day plague, an outbreak spreading among the twentysomethings of today. The thorny and nagging bone of contention that often puts a damper to an otherwise budding and blissful romance. What is it about the Big C that provokes such deep-seated fear and paranoia among those who have been to the brink and even beyond?
It could be partly due to one definition of the word which states that commitment is an “official consignment, as to a prison or mental health facility” Lest we all collectively shudder at that thought, in hindsight, we are really consigning ourselves to an institution (the relationship) that neither have guards nor high and padded walls but have “circle of trusts”, “sweet nothings” and “displays of affection”. The parallelisms lie in the fact that like those institutions, it has a built-in set of rules and regulations sprinkled with certain “limitations” that we must all adhere to. It is the bittersweet prelude to the “perpetua reclusion” of relationships – marriage
Our routines, lifestyles, habits, are for better or worse, altered once the Big C enters the equation. It is tantamount to relinquishing our long-held freedoms and liberties (read: freewheeling and hedonistic ways) in exchange for a more controlled, subdued and oftentimes mundane existence. We surrender ourselves to the great unknown, an abyss that has its pitfalls and tribulations. Yet, it also a time of pure, unabashed happiness akin to the joyous times of our childhood. Life indeed is yin and yang, always taking the good with the bad.
Call it gut feel or one gigantic leap of faith, the act of committing to someone requires tremendous amounts of sacrifices and compromises, fortitude, sheer guts and determination to hurdle the challenges ahead. Even the wisest, the bravest, the fools who rush in, the hopeless romantic, or anyone who has been mystified by the idea of falling in love, all of us, have been subjected to the must cruel emotional/psychological torture of all – the fear of the unknown and the feeling of helplessness and vulnerability that it brings.
Many will dilly-dally or will have cold feet when the Big C comes a-calling. Human frailty and inherent mistrust always comes into play. We tend to take comfort in the sanctuary of our solitary confinement and in the customary ebb and flow of our lives. We are scared shitless to commit the same old mistakes time and time again. After all, our pride and the notion of self-preservation are the only saving graces we take refuge to in the face of great adversity and repeated failures. In the end, we are nonetheless left with a feeling of emptiness because we refused to have risked it all.
Which finally begs the question: Am I afraid of the Big C? The answer borders on the edge of lucidity - yes for all the wrong reasons and no for all the right ones. Ready to crash and burn, I never learn…
